In his 1961 Inaugural address, President John F. Kennedy (D-MA) warned that “only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger,” but he could not have predicted that one such unlucky generation would be the “’90s kids.”
Millennials did not prepare for this. They were not studying civics in their school days—they were playing with their Pokémon, colorful pocket monsters who, in the titular Nintendo Game Boy games, could be released from special containment balls and made to fight one another for their pre-teen trainers’ amusement and profit. It was a worldwide phenomenon. Pokémania, the Mainstream Media called it, and blamed the “troubling fanaticism” for making children delinquent.
Sadly, there may have been merit to those warnings. The franchise may have instilled in the “echo boomers” a civic ethos that is insufficient for our moment. While the MAGA Republican Party dismantles America, ’90s kids are at home with their Dunkaroos, on iPhones, Reddit, or playing Civilization VII all night and complaining: “Where are the Democrats? Why won’t they fight for us? Why is the so-called progressive party so constantly feckless? No feck at all!”
Fight for us? Like a Charizard, squaring off against the Elite Four while We the People smash buttons on the Game Boy with thumbs sticky from Dr. Pepper? Do these middle-aged-but young-at-heart voters expect all they need do is show up every two years, toss out a vote, a few dollars, and the occasional meme on Facebook and democracy shall be defended by some small, barking politician for their viewing pleasure?
I admit—that would be nice! But on November 5, 2024, the “couch potatoes” lost America that privilege, and, at the current rate of whatever the fuck Elon Musk and his DOGE teens are doing in DC, maybe a decade or more.
To put this in terms 30-to-40-year-olds who couldn’t manage to “Pokémon Go to the polls” while “democracy [was] on the line” can understand: “You're mybest friend in a world we must defend. Pokémon!” See? Even Ash Ketchum, who one would presume to be the singer of the anime’s theme song, was asserting that to defend the world from the evil PresidentsDonald Trump and Musk, Team Rocket, or whoever, he would have to do it alongside his monster servants.
Anybody employed within the Democratic Party or #nevertrump media snickering at my snark (“Mr. Hex really owned those twerps today with that condescending wit!”), please remember well that you have also failed to either provide service or be adequately monstrous. This is no time for any of us (save, of course, me) to endlessly recriminate one another to no end but universal irritation. We are not well enough as a coalition to accomplish anything else if we stay focused on internal culture wars, and the only way either side demonstrably “wins” an argument is when everybody loses an important election.
Just as the Democratic Party is a Pokémon needing to “level up,” voters opposed to Messrs. Trump and Musk are “trainers” who failed to grind their politicians to the strength needed to defeat these “boss mobs,” except the consequence is not that they must play a videogame level a second time; the punishment for losing is:
Transgender Americans are being systematically erased from public life; in particular, “references to transgender people” were excised from the Stonewall National Monument’s website, despite the Stonewall Uprising having been historically credited to drag kings and queens. Messrs. Trump and Musk had the federal government quite literally take the T. away from the acronym LGBT.
The president is now threatening to put American into jails in El Salvador, citing the rising costs of private prisons. It is a dark day when Democrats must advocate to protect the domestic private prison industry, but we ought to keep American prisoners in America.
Mr. Trump, at 14, heard President John F. Kennedy say that they were among the “new generation of Americans—born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage—and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.” In another 64 years, Mr. Trump would undo those social contracts and describe it as “making America great.” Fuck him.
I understand how dissatisfying a response Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer’s (D-NY) avocado tweet was in the face of the looming end of America’s Republic era.
I am, generally, loyal to the Democratic leadership and will follow anybody with a D next to their name to Hell if it stops one Republican victory. But Christ, Mr. Schumer will not inspire any new partisans with this level of decaffeination. If he meets the moment some other day, it would still be hard to forgive the senator for inspiring so much disappointment and boredom now, when Americans need resistance and resolve. Meanwhile, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY), is “pissed” constituents want democracy defended with more urgency. So, we should not expect much from them. (Credit where due, Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) is killing it, per his usual.)
Remember, in this metaphor, the Democrats are Pokémon that belong to the American people. If many of them are not strong enough to win when they must, we have two options: train them or replace them. But we must do it; if left alone, they will become gluttonous, sleep, and block the way through the crisis like a Snorlax.
There will be brutal political conflicts in the years ahead. Winning requires swapping out obsoleted strategies—Clinton/Obama-era nostalgia, focus-grouped moderation, praying Republicans sober up—and matching our tactics to weaknesses of our opponents. Millennials, watch how Pikachu takes on his own orange bully, Raichu, when Ash had to confront the original MAGA bro for his Thunder Badge:
When politicians cannot adapt to the new era, we, their “trainers,” have to teach or bench them. Go ahead and piss Mr. Jeffries off—add your member of Congress and your Senators to your phone’s Contact list and call them every day. If they are not sharpened and strengthened by the pressure, then support whoever will be primarying them.
“That’s just like the Tea Party!” some of my fellow partisans will exclaim, but whatever ugly things there are to say about the Tea Party—Lord knows Christine O’Donnell’s “I’m not a witch” plays in a loop in my brain—they also brought the GOP back to power and prominence after the 2008 financial collapse and election decimated their party.
We should not be shy about primaries anymore. Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA), may she rest in peace, stayed in office despite her cognitive abilities and health failing, and she died there. My President Joe Biden (D-DE), who promised America repeatedly he was up to the task, had to withdraw from the 2024 presidential race, depriving us of an honest primary and contributing to America’s fascist takeover. Wall Street Journal’s reporting shows definitively that the Democratic Party really did lie and cover up Mr. Biden’s diminishing abilities, and we should be angry that we were made fools by giving the old man the benefit of the doubt.
When Mr. Schumer embarrasses the efforts against the MAGA Republican vandalism of America by complaining about the price of avocadoes, confidently presuming this is a savvy tactic, unfortunately, the benefit of the doubt he might have been afforded was already exhausted. In this grassroots moment, Mr. Schumer has one last service to give the party: should he be primaried in 2028, this will increase voter registration and participation, and the enthusiasm for his opponents will give needed buoyance to Democratic House contenders in New York congressional races.
In Pokémon episode 82, “Friends to the End,” Ash lost his championship League battle against the Elite Four, proving that being good, having heart, and showing do not entitle victory. I fear Democratic voters, and by proxy, the leaders, are banking on that same insufficient ethos. Democracy doesn’t have a reset button, though, and we have limited tries remaining.
President Kennedy’s hour of maximum danger has arrived. He did not say, “Ask what the DNC can do for you while you doomscroll.” He said we—not just Messrs. Schumer and Jeffries, “bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out,” and that “[i]n your hands, [] fellow citizens, more than [leadership’s], will rest the final success or failure of our course.” Pokémon! Start writing letters, making calls, and finding every way to engage. If you are pissed your Democratic representative is too weak, demand they be the very best, like no one ever was. Take agency in your #resistance.
Consider as your first step purchasing a “Trump is a bitch” baseball cap or a “Fuck DOGE” mug from the Partisan Hex web store, and mailing it to your representative, so they know where We the People stand.
