Pariah Elon Musk cannot face Jon Stewart
He can’t go home—or to The Daily Show, or any other party he once enjoyed—again.
Recently, I saw something quite sad. While likely under the influence of the dissociative anesthetic ketamine, President Elon Musk, the CEO of SpaceX, Tesla, Twitter, The Boring Company, Neuralink, and xAI and father to now 14 children, was going back and forth with The Daily Show’s legendary host Jon Stewart on Twitter.
After Mr. Stewart smashed a coffee cup while criticizing whatever the fuck Mr. Musk is doing right now, the billionaire offered to come to the TDS set for an interview if it would air completely uncut. Mr. Stewart agreed, but then Mr. Musk demanded the conversation take place on Twitter rather than on Comedy Central. Stewart agreed again. After exhausting his supply of fake, bad-faith conditions, Mr. Musk said he would not talk to the comedian and pouted that Mr. “Stewart was nothing more than a propagandist.”
Once upon a time, Mr. Musk was so delighted to meet Mr. Stewart that he gushed like a fanboy that he had loved the other man for a billion years. An immense amount of affection to be extinguished in nearly thirteen.
Mr. Musk is probably correct not to appear on the Daily Show: the program he loved so much now scorns him, as does the parts of the country that are the target consumer demographic for electric cars. He has changed too much, become someone unrecognizable to who he was. I can relate.
Mr. Stewart is certainly no Democratic shill. I hardly watch clips of his program on YouTube anymore because he spends too much time hectoring Democrats for losing. We have been hectored enough, thank you.
I do pity Mr. Musk. “What evil looks has [he], from old and young! Instead of the cross, the Albatross about [his] neck was hung.” He brought it upon himself. Still, it must sting to be alienated from the culture you once enjoyed. He may be enjoying himself getting high and doing foolish things with chainsaws at CPAC, but he will never again be able to go to Burning Man and do psychedelic drugs with New Age hippie girls. No more LSD, cocaine, or ecstasy (in DC, marijuana, mushrooms, and medicinal ketamine is fine.) No SNL, no Chappelle hangs, no cool parties—his old life is gone, and because he will never be forgiven or loved, will never return.
Mr. Musk knows the security detail surrounding him could produce the next Dan Bongino (the Deputy FBI Director and podcaster who, after leaving the Secret Service, made a career of either lying or snitching on his protectee’s antics). So, he is surrounded by potential spies to preserve his life, which will be increasingly less lived as it becomes clear he will not be able to enjoy it.
Mr. Musk runs so many companies that missteps, which he is bound to make, and backlash could destroy millions or billions of dollars of wealth. In his mind, he must think he has no choice but to totally revolutionize the world, because anything less than a restructure of values in a way that favors his type of degeneracy threatens any hope he has of happiness. Because of this, he is dangerous the way a cornered animal is dangerous.
I can understand the motives other billionaires have—they want money, or power. Mr. Musk appears to want to be loved, applauded by a public who agrees he was always right. This will never happen, both because he is human and because he is purposefully repulsive.
Tesla dealerships and superchargers are being vandalized, shot at, set on fire, and destroyed, while even some people who own the electric cars are cheering it on social media.
Cybertrucks were booed and, in some tellings, pelted with rocks during a Mardi Gras parade. All around the country, owners are reporting having their trucks damaged and defaced.
The mothers of Mr. Musk’s children have grown frustrated at his unresponsiveness and have started to publicly demand he take responsibility on social media.
Another SpaceX rocket fucking blew up, disrupting air traffic in Florida. Mr. Musk will never make it to Mars, at least not in a rocket he owns.
The American economy, which was very healthy before Mr. Musk started meddling, is crashing with indications of looming recession if the course is not reversed.
Tesla stock in particular has taken significant injury, falling 45 percent since December, as people no longer want to be seen in the “Swastikar” associated with Mr. Musk. European sales have halved, and the United States and China are following.
21 DOGE staffers publicly resigned, calling Musk’s team incompetent and paranoid and stating that Mr. Musk’s interviewers: “refused to identify themselves, asked questions about political loyalty, attempted to pit colleagues against each other, and demonstrated limited technical ability … creat[ing] security risks” and that they “swore to serve the American people and uphold [their] oath to the Constitution… but it [became] clear [they] can no longer honor those commitments at the United States DOGE Service.”
After a nasty Oval Office shouting match where Secretary of State Lil Marco tore open a third or fourth asshole for Mr. Musk, his co-president, Donald Trump, announced that his Cabinet members are in charge, not DOGE. Sam Stein at the Bulwark has reported this as effectively a demotion for Mr. Musk, who was enjoying running the country as an unelected bureaucrat.
The DOGE website keeps taking content down as embarrassing, obvious, and egregious errors and falsity are publicly reported. Fact-checks of Mr. Trump’s historically worst speech to a Joint Session prove in many cases programs are being targeted as fraudulent or ludicrous because DOGE and Trump administration officials simply do not understand the subject matter and are too lazy to Google, e.g., Mr. Trump calling transgene experimentation on mice “making the mice transgender” (and the fucking frogs gay too, suppose)).
A user posted the e-mail addresses of DOGE employees, presumably and regrettably for the purpose of subjecting them to spam or other illegal and inadvisable obstruction.
A judge is planning to order Mr. Musk’s DOGE to start preserving its records, indicating it is likely going to become subject to FOIA, despite attempts to bullshit otherwise.
If coincidences and synchronicities can be arranged into a song, then the universe is harmonizing to tell Mr. Musk something: Hit the road, Jack.
Had he humility, he might, like King Lear, announce: “I am a very foolish … man … and to deal plainly, I fear I am not in my perfect mind.” Unfortunately, this fucking guy cannot read a room. He will likely continue to hang around, ruining shit, until someone runs him out. My suggestion: keep the pressure on, remind the world of his bad week at every opportunity. If you are asking: “What can I do to let the world know I hate what President Musk is trying to do to my fellow Americans?” I have your back. We have tasteful but impactful FUCK DOGE t-shirts, hoodies, mugs, stickers, and more available at:
